Raising Securely Attached Kids

July 15, 2024
In this compassionate manual, therapist Harwood (Securely Attached) explains how parents can use attachment theory to bond with their children. How someone is raised determines which of four relationship styles one forms in adulthood, Harwood explains, noting that secure attachment is the ideal and that it follows from a caregiver’s ability to connect with and help regulate the emotions of their child. Expounding on how to form secure bonds, Harwood warns against issuing dictates and instead urges parents to work with children to understand why they might be resisting a request and come up with a mutually satisfying solution. To help children cope with their emotions, Harwood recommends that parents identify their child’s feeling for them, encourage them to “let the emotions out (cry, usually, but also growl or huff),” and then close with a hug. Though Harwood includes a few tips for teens, the balance of the advice will be most applicable for younger children. Useful scripts show how parents can support kids while encouraging them to get outside their comfort zone (“You’ve got this, kid, but if something else happens and you need my help, I am a phone call away”), and Harwood brings a welcome recognition that even in the most loving families, “every parent and child is destined to have seasons of strife and struggle.” Parents of all stripes will want to check this out.

August 1, 2024

Licensed therapist Harwood specializes in attachment research, which explores people's strong need to bond with others. Her expertise is one of the reasons she asserts that a strong parent-child bond is the first thing parents need to successfully raise their children to have empathy, confidence, and resilience. For parents to achieve that, her book encourages them to work through their own past experiences and to ponder and identify things they witnessed as children that might impact how they parent as adults. For example, some readers might have lived in abusive households or with parents with substance-use disorders or mental health conditions. She advocates for readers to utilize a cooperation-based parenting method--not scare their child or rule with a rewards and punishment mindset--to bring structure to the home and to establish a nurturing environment. The book incorporates "Nerd Alert" sections that explain the science behind the advice. VERDICT A digestible, practical resource for those trying to get to the root of issues in their household. Filled with sample scripts for discussions, charts, quotes from parents, and other tools designed to help readers form strong parent-child relationships, this book is ideal for reading in short bursts or to refer to as needed.

Copyright 2024 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

October 15, 2024
Harwood, a therapist, presents a practical guide that sets up close relational bonds as the foundation of parenting success. A child with a secure attachment to at least one caregiver is more likely to be independent, caring, confident, and resilient, asserts the author in the introduction to her new parenting guide, which approaches its topic in a chatty, friendly, and effervescent style. Harwood breaks down basic concepts of attachment and offers empowering tools for caregivers of kids of any age, while acknowledging the challenges of raising neurodivergent children, or kids who have gone through trauma. She also notes the inevitable gaps that a book by a straight white woman will have when approaching the topic of identity oppression. In discussions reinforced by solid data and actionable advice, Harwood proposes a "high structure, high nurture" environment as the best parenting strategy--one in which conflict is an opportunity for discovery, and the emphasis is on cooperation: "When we create a secure connection with our children," she writes, "it helps them to trust our capacity to help them through the hard stuff." She illuminates each chapter with relevant stories from her and other parents' experiences. The book also includes "Nerd Alert" sections, which delve deep into the research and science behind various concepts. These data-rich sections can be easily skipped by those who aren't interested, but those who are will find engaging explanations of the prefrontal cortex, internal scripts, Edward Tronick's well-known 1970s "still face" experiment, and more. Harwood's boisterous prose invigorates lessons in managing conflict, enforcing structure, navigating difficult topics (such as addiction, racism, and abuse), and developing confidence. The type of parenting that this book espouses won't come naturally to all readers, and it emphasizes that secure attachment isn't possible without putting in the work to address one's own attachment traumas, which she calls "ghost hunting"; the more settled and present caregivers are, she points out, the easier it is for kids to find comfort and connection with them. An accessible, enthusiastic manual on how to raise resilient, confident kids.

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